Murphy’s Law, an old school adage that says something to the effect of: “If anything can go wrong, it will”. Well thank you dear Sir Murphy, you my friend, or shall I say my foe, have been throwing this in my face for as long as I can recall.
I have always been one of those people who seem to experience this lovely piece of ‘luck’ (I guess you could call it luck if you are like that Direct TV commercial where the people enjoy getting hurt/losing/etc) consistently time and time again. Every time I think to myself that things are going somewhat well, shit hits the fan, and I’m not talking a small bit, I’m talking a massive shit explosion everywhere. Cue putting on your custom designed biohazard gear because why would today be any different?
This morning I was supposed to go to my doctor’s for a routine ‘safety check’ of blood work as they called it. this was to make sure everything is working properly following my trigger shots which I started last night. At exactly 8:30 p.m. I was instructed to do my co-trigger which involved a low does of Pregnyl (HCG- Human chorionic gonadotropin) and an hour later a larger does of Lupron (antagonist). Then this morning I was told to come in for my ‘safety’ blood work to ensure everything was working. Then I was to follow it all up with one final shot of Lupron (antagonist) this morning prior to my 6:30 a.m. egg retrieval tomorrow (sunday).
All seemed fine and dandy this morning, I had taken my meds at the correct time the night prior (more about that rather hilarious shit show later) and I was feeling pretty good considering. My favorite lab tech had no trouble collecting my blood (a nice rarity considering my ridiculously tiny and hidden veins) and I was sent on my merry little way. Feeling rather up beat, I decided to treat myself to a massive breakfast sandwich, which I was desperately craving, and figured I would spend the rest of the day relaxing on the couch and laying low in preparation for tomorrow’s big day.
Mind you, I had already had to break the news to our best friends yesterday that due to my scheduled sunday surgery we wouldn’t be able to be there for their big wedding day. Needless to say, everyone was upset, but also understanding given the situation. I was already feeling a bit bummed regarding that whole scenario. Well, mid-way through my beautifully delicious breakfast sandwich I received devastating news from my doctors office. It was my nurse calling to ‘break’ the news which was then followed up by a personal call from my RE(reproductive endocrinologist). Let it be known now, when your doctor makes a personal phone call to you, on a saturday, of which she is not working, it is never a good sign.
The nurse had briefly explained to me on the phone that something was very wrong with my blood work and they were not sure if I would be able to move forward with my egg retrieval sunday morning. I was told my estrogen levels have continued to rise, but what was of greater concern, was my sky rocketing progesterone levels. I already had to cancel my fresh IVF transfer to do higher than expected levels of progesterone. At last check yesterday morning my levels were 2.39. Today, my levels had risen to an inexplainable 21.2! How the hell did I go up nearly 19 points in a mere 24 hours??? I honestly didn’t know what to say to the nurse, so I politely ended the call and waited with bated breath for the doctor to call back with more information.
Dr. Z returned the call in less than 5 minutes. Cue the immediate panic attack. Since when does a Dr. call back that quickly, when she’s not in the office, and you usually never hear from her directly? Let it be known that my lovely RE has a wonderful demeanor about her, that could probably talk just about anyone off the proverbial cliff, but even she seemed frazzled. During our conversation, Dr. Z explained that the absolute highest my progesterone level should have been today was a 5… a 5?? Mine was nearly 4 times that amount! High levels of progesterone are typically linked to ovulation, meaning it was totally possible my body went ahead and ovulated on its own even though I have been taken injections to prevent it from doing so. The only problem with this theory is that when that happens, (very, very rare btw) your estrogen level should drop too. Instead of dropping, my already high estrogen level was continuing to climb (I can’t recall the exact numbers I was far too frazzled by all this new information). Dr. Z had collaborated with Dr. S, the other RE of the practice, and neither one of them had any explantation as to what was going on. Both have never seen anything like this in their ENTIRE careers…
Oh hi, my name is Joy, and I am the jackpot winner of the Murphy’s Law Lottery, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve worked with me!
Needless to say I am beyond upset right now. I honestly don’t know what to think. They still want me to come in tomorrow morning at 6:30 a.m. to do an ultrasound to determine if there are any eggs left or not. If there appears to be eggs, they will proceed with the egg retrieval and we will take it from there. If not, my entire cycle was a waste and will be fully canceled until further notice. No pressure or anything…
Dr. Z noted that even if they are able to proceed with the egg retrieval, she is not entirely convinced that this will be my last stimulation cycle.. aka she’s not convinced they will be able to get the quality and amount of eggs they need to do a successful frozen transfer when my body finally recovers. As you can only imagine, I am now doing everything in my power to say calm. Pretty hard to accomplish that when you already suffer from anxiety/OCD, and are trying desperately to calm the intrusive thoughts of what this all means.
Is this just a symptom of a much bigger underlying problem? Do I have cancer that we didn’t know about (high progesterone is linked to breast and ovarian cancer). We know I have a persistent cyst (they said it was an endometrioma) what if its actually a cancerous cyst?? What if my body has been secretly doing this crazy mis-matched hormonal dance for years and we never knew?? Am I ever going to be able to get pregnant and sustain a successful pregnancy?? Is my body just not designed to accept IVF or a pregnancy? Is this the end of the road for us?? Should we just give up now and start researching the adoption process??
I honestly could go on, and on, and on, and on. But I won’t because I know that worrying will solve absolutely nothing. This is in god’s hands now.
Oh and to add some fun fuel to the fire, remember that bomb genesis storm I talked about in my last post? Well that lovely storm has left New England with nearly sub zero freezing temperatures for over a week. Did I mention I live in a very old, poorly insulated home? Well I should have, because as Murphy’s Law says, “if it can go wrong, it will”. While I was trying to lay down to recover from all this exhausting news, and keep my stress levels somewhat within an acceptable range, I hear shouting from my parents and water gushing. You guessed it, we are now the proud owners of a frozen and burst water pipe, a flooded basement, no heat, and no water. YAY! Sometimes I wonder how no one has ever caught on to my ever so high winning streak in the Murphy’s Law lottery (M.L.L.). I mean honestly, I would be a billionaire if the good old M.L.L gave out money rather than troubles.
Until further notice, I guess that’s all for now, or at least I should say I hope that’s all for now. I’m not sure my body and mind can take much more today. I will write tomorrow with any new updates. Wish me luck! As always, wishing you and yours lots of love, luck and baby dust!